


Dailin & Dimitri go to Chuck E Cheese but Dailin is Claude

by DimitriKinnie



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Chuck e cheese au, Chuck e cheese dies, I guess bernadetta is just mentioned but, M/M, a lot of characters get cancelled, but he gets revived, chuck e cheese is a demon kinda..., crackfic, don't ask how, it IS a major character death, shitpost, shut u p, we just write without thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimitriKinnie/pseuds/DimitriKinnie
Summary: Dailin (Claude) and Dimitri go to Chuck E Cheese to gamer it up!
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Dailin & Dimitri go to Chuck E Cheese but Dailin is Claude

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Dailin, Bernadetta bon Barley, and Constance bon Nubelle, Panda, and The Fish That Flayn Craves
> 
> yeah I got more buddies on board!

Claude swung open the door to Chuck E Cheese, he was ready to gamer it up.“ Claude, are you sure this is a good idea? Going to Chuck E Cheese that is.” Dimitri was concerned. Why would two teens willingly go to Chuckily Cheese? They spotted Hilda working minimum wage at the pizza stand; “Yo, Hilda,” exclaimed Claude, “I didn’t chicken out, gimme my money.” Hilda sighed, looking for her wallet. 

“Ugggghh, I guess I do owe you. How about you and your highness just get a free pizza”

“Hilda you bitch I want a pizza all to myself”

“Claaaaauuuude!” Hilda proceeded to whisper. “My mom’s still here y’know.” Hilda’s mom, already having been disgusted by Claude’s language, shriveled her face out of existence.

“Fine,” Claude replied, taking a seat in the pizza parlor, “you comin’ your princliness?” he beckoned Dimiri to the pizza place. We’re just eating pizza, okay; Claude looked at Dimori, “So, you come here often?” Claude looked down timidly, toying with his braid of hair. 

“Claude, you asked me here.” Dimitri said, pulling on Claude’s brain/braid. (AN: sorry we made a spelling mistake)

Claude tugged back on his hair. “No, this is my hair mitya get your own.” No one could touch his hair, let alone attempt to steal his braid; But Dimitri held an iron grip and Claud'es braid evaporated under his superior strength. “How could you?” screamed Claude “I trusted you!”

\------Small timeskip (AN: don’t worry gang it’s not 5 years ;)------  
lol  
“Say cheese, it's funner!” Hida said, just walking in.

Fvck you hilda” aformentioned Claude.

Claude swung his arm back, eyeing the target hole with intense concentration before lungeing forwards and thrusting the ball directly into the 100 point hole.

"Wow Claude! that was amazing!" Declared Dimitri with admiration.

"You think that's cool? I'll show you cool!"

cChuck e cheese did a backflip off the reception table and died (the mascot one) “NO!!” Claude screamed out. Chucky cheeses body lay laimp on the reception table. “You were the one for me chucky. I love you, I always haved.” Claude had a sonic 06 moment and kissed the furry mascot of cheeses.  
DIMITRI nodded in the distance  
"poetic" he spoke.  
This was a relatable moment. He might have to like thr post share it, and give the wacky numbers on the back of his mom’s credit card.  
"claude…" the chucky saod in his dying moments. "your braid… i see it at the end of the tunnel"

“Chukcy lpease… don’t give up on me… on us.”  
"My final words…… chsnge da worlde" chcukei says before fissolving into cheez its on the floor 

Dimitir tilted his head back and stopped surpeessing his laughter. In that moment, his demeanor completely changed. “That stuipd RAT is finnally DEAD! Now dada and the others can finally rest in piece, knowing that the one who slayed them was slayed himself!”  
claude looked at dimitri in absolute shock and horror. he felt as if the air was being ripped from his lungs as his gaze rested upon the immobile chukie on the ground.  
"Dimoti……" claude began in a whisper. "Chuckie….. you dod this?"

Chuck E rose once more, but this time, he wasn’t joking around. This time, Chuck E Cheeses isn’t the place where a kid can be a kid.  
"Wow" hilda ezclaimed. "a record 3 minutes! Never seen that before 😂😆😻👌🍆XD"

“ÿ̷́͜o̷͕̖̞͛̑͑̋,̵̲̥̅̀͌͆ ̸̛̝Y̷̧̬͍͑ͅǫ̶̣̫̟͂̇́ũ̴̢̞͇̯̏ ̷͔̼̗̫̀͘m̵̟͖͋͑́͠o̶̩͗̽r̵͍̲̓̏ṯ̶͗a̸̭̪̝̍͑͒l̴̑̉ͅs̸̭̖̖̽̌̓ ̵̢̬̮͐h̸̦̞̏͘ä̵͕̰͈͔́̿̈v̸̰̝̟̤͌ė̶͎͔͒̋ ̴͙̈͗̈́s̸͙̲̖̞̈́̈ȇ̴̻e̸̝̗͊̎͊͒͜ǹ̸͍͋͛ ̷͕̗̎̈́̈́a̶̛̺l̵̪̜̖̑̏̇͝ḻ̵͑ ̴̝̓s̸̻͕̀̈́͛i̶͇̗̹̥͒̚ď̶͔̫ê̴͚̯̓͘͝s̴̳̭͕̪̽ ̶̛͉̐o̷͔͐f̸̡̢̆̑ ̷̯͖̗͂͆̒̎͜c̷̻̮̮̊̓ḧ̸̦̦͍̊̓̈́͜ȗ̷̡c̷̨̜̿k̴̺̳͖̇ĭ̸͉͜e̶̡̙̳͗.̴̫͖̦̉̏͛ ̶͉͈̃̚I̸̲͍̲̿̈ ̵͇̮͈̗͐̽͗͠c̷̨͙̥̎͆̃͘ă̵̙̠̜̩n̶̡̰͉͇͆n̵͎̪̱̐͛̒o̴̦͍ṫ̴̨̑̆ ̵̹͐͌l̸̘̆ẽ̶͇̘͂̌t̶̻̣͆͋̈́͌ ̷̙̺̰̯̚t̷͓͚͖̋̄̐͝h̷̡͒̎ǎ̴͕͓͉́͜t̴͚̃̌̂̇͜ ̶̪͕̲̮̓s̸̫͙̆ţ̸̤̽̆a̶̼͈̻̋n̶̥͘͝d̶̖̾̒̚.̷͕͠.̸̛̫͚”  
"He said you guys all get free pizzas!" Hilda said brightly, smiling.  
Chucky started prepareing a kamehameha from dragon ball Z, turing his gray hair into bright yellow.  
"whoa, thats cool." dimitri said plainly. "i think we should take a seat for the pizzas, right?"  
Claude agreed. "We shouldn't eat a whole pizza standing. That would be pretty rude. No

Out from his kamehahmeha, came several pizzas. One ,however, stood out from the rest. It was decorated with bits of yellow.

Pineapple! Claude knew Chuky was tricking them, no one would dare pineapple pizza as a peace offering1!  
"i havent seen pineapple in three years," Hilda said. "I think he's reaaaaaaaal mad at you"  
"i dont know, i think pineaplle is pretty big potatoes." Dimitri said,eyeing the pizza with a near impossible level of focus.  
claude had a thought - maybe he should use dimitri as a body shield against the pizza, after all, he couldn’t taste!  
Claudebdecided that chivalries were a thing of the past. He suplexed dimitri  
"fuck" said dimitri, coming to a realization. Dimitri got hard.  
"pizza kink pizza kink" chanted hilda, getting her pizza nerf gun out.  
“I̶͔͕̺̼̽̃̀͘;̵̬͚̯̋m̴͓̳̆̈̊͌ ̵͙͙̆̊̀̍g̷͚̪̉͌̔̌o̸͕̘͂̅͐͝n̸̨̈͘n̵͉͑̕͝a̴͚͖͓̓ ̶̤͉͉̰̿̓̈c̵̜̭͂͗͂͝a̷͉͓͛̇͝n̴͕̥̦͕̅̈̄͘c̶̠͍̹͛ë̷̡̪̝́l̷̠͋̉͝ ̵̛̳̟̫̓̕͜y̵̗̟̙̆̋̊̔o̶͓̯͐̍́́u̷̢̧̨͒̿͛ ̷͇͔͎̍s̸̢̼̞͗o̸̗̝͋̿̒̆ ̸̡͍̩̇̆͑ȟ̸̯̙̗̊̉̈a̴̹̞̰͆͊r̷̡̰̟̹̄d̶̜̼̟́.” chucku said.  
Claude looked over as chuky cheeses phone pinged. He was filled with dread as he instinctively knew what was about to happen. While being pelted with pizzas, he shakily checked his Twitter tl and to his horror, #ClaudeIsOverParty was on the trending page.

Tweets filled with insensitive remarks, k-pop fancams, and people spreading lies about him. Slowly trying to cancel him for God.  
"im sorry!" Claude cried out. "I'll never doublepark again!"  
Before he could continue, he was kniocked unconcious by a knickerbocker from the hawaiian pizza.  
"take that, claude!" hilda pumped her fist in victory "now I'll get paid a dollar above minimum wage!"

Dimitri was dumbfounded, could Claude’s best friend really do that to him? Just for a dollar? He moved without thinking reaching into his pockeet for a reliable solution.

Hilda knocked someone unconscious.

She could be cancelled for that.  
("paraskeet" hilda yelled in the background as her gun fired away at Claude, who was still unconscious)

Typing away on twiter dot com, he knew this would work, if it didn’t he could lose everything.

“I’ve come to make an announcement. Hilda is a bitch ass motherfucker. She knouked out her own best friend just for a dollar. This disgusting behavior shouldn’t be allowed. #HildaIsOverParty.” Send tweet. Periodt.

Faster than #ClaudeIsOverParty, #HildaIsOverParty climbed the ranks of trending, even making it to 1st place worldwide. “Dimitri… why? We were so close. We could’ve both had a dollar, you just had to fuck it up for us.”

“No, you had to fuck it up for yourself.” 

Hilda glared at Dimitri coldly, tapping on an app on her phone. "I see how it is. You never had a chance with Claude to begin with. He doesn’t like simps."  
With lightning fast moves, she posted a crying tiktok with sympathetic captions, tagging furiously. #foryoupage. #trending.

Her tiktok blew up immediately, garnering the attention of her simps and followers. Dimitri began to receive nonsensical hate comments from horny incels that were desperate to climb to the defense of Hilda! Valentine! Goneril!

He was defenseless without Claude there, he needed him back, and fast.

(Alright… That's it. This fic is totally bonanas. Bernadetta grumbled as she reread her latest chapter. How were they ever going to get together at this rate?! Ah ha! Sleeping beauty style kiss. It’ll be totally romantic and not creepy at all! He can get the support of the gays and weird yaoi creeps!)

He leaned over Claud’s uncontcious body. This was it, the moment he had been dreeeming of  
, but with a bit more consent. Hilda’s mouth dropped open, “NO!” He pressed his lipped on Claud’s own. He slowly recoiled, was this it? was he really not Claud’s prince charming with no name and same face syndrome?

Claude suddenly propped himself up, fingergunned, and stared directly at the camera. "Remember to like, comment and subscribe!" He spoke before falling unconscious once more. Remember to like comment and subscribe or else claude will stay unconscious!

**Author's Note:**

> and it was totally tubular
> 
> my buddy came up with a quote "Claude whirled his head around at the sound of pineapple pizza, effectively breaking his neck at Mach 1 because of how annoying the telephone pole felt."


End file.
